I spent a fabulous couple of hours on Saturday with the ladies from Insight Pink, a unique group for women who feel they are transitioning from the period of their twenties and early thirties.

Read what they have to say about me here. (I was very touched by your kind words, ladies. Thank you.)

It was fascinating to learn from them and their experiences, and how we all deal with this process of ‘growing up’ differently. There seems some expectation that by your mid-thirties you’ve figured it all out and are settled, but some of us seem to bounce off in completely new directions!

As Baz Luhrman said:

“The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.”

There are no ‘rules’ now. Career, relationships, family, housing, travel, leisure, finance are all part of what we probably have to figure out at some time or another as women, yet there is no clear order to do them in or proportions to arrange them in. There is pressure from family, friends, finance and of course our biological clock and sometimes it seems very hard to do the ‘right’ thing because it always seems like something is being neglected.

Fitting babies into this mix can be very daunting and understandably so. Babies come with a whole other set of pressures and responsibilities.

I’m perhaps a little simplistic. I believe that babies always manage to ‘fit in’ somehow. I also think there is far too much pressure to be a perfect parent, to read all the parenting manuals, to establish routines and discipline early on and to always have your baby looking ‘perfect.’ It becomes about ‘active parenting’ which can quite honestly be stifling and stressful for all concerned.

I think you can do an amazing amount of ‘parenting’ by instinct, without actually worrying about ‘parenting’. Your baby’s needs in the beginning are very simple – lots of love, sleep, milk and interaction. Co-sleep and breastfeed and all you need to buy are nappies/diapers and a few clothes. And a sling is invaluable for going out and about. (My experience of complex ‘travel systems’ is that they’re very expensive and the baby outgrows them quickly. My son was already too big for the pram part of one I looked at in a shop when he was three months old! You really can get by with a sling until the baby is old enough for a simple stroller.)

This type of parenting is called attachment parenting. Demand feeding is a key part of this, so you keep your baby with you in the early weeks so that he (or she) can feed when he needs to. I actually found demand feeding very liberating. There’s no watching the clock, screaming babies or worrying, you just settle for a feed as soon as your baby shows signs of wanting one. You also don’t run into the problem of not being able to go out because it’s naptime – you just take baby with you and let him sleep in the sling.

A big secret of attachment parenting is that keeping your baby close to you releases the hormones which keep your milk supply plentiful and having each other close by and smelling one another is reassuring and good for the mental and physical health of both you and your baby. (There’s a reason nature made babies’ heads smell so yummy!)

Anyway, do take a look at Insight Pink’s blog. They’re a fascinating, smart, articulate group of ladies and true Shinemamas-to-be!

And if you would like me to come and spread a little SHINE by talking to your group or organisation, drop me an email!